Can i not drive my cunt home
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
