That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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