I must be too annoying 4 u.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Randomize
