Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
