Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize