i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
