I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize