Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
