LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
