I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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