Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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