Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
As shirtless as possible
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
