You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
