i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
high people should be assigned attendants
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
