Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
