I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
