Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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