We're facebook friends in real life
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
