So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
