I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
