Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Randomize
