Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
