I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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