It's like God shit irony all over that family
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
