my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
