Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
