dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
