called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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