from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
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