it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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