it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
