I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
