..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
