1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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