just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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