he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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