I'm laying in your front yard are you home
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
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