I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
