where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
