last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize