dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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