Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
