hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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