My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Randomize
