I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Randomize
