allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
