There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just gift wrapped bread.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
