You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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