don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
