was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
