3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
