Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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