I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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