are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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