Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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