plz talk dirty to me
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
