Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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