Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
