At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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