he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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