Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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