I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
