he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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