oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize