We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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