The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize