i don't like sucking hair
so that wasnt chicken after all
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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