I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize