Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
