Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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