I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize