Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
