My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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