Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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