I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
