I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize