There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
