life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
