that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
my poor anus
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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