Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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