My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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