I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
