so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize