I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
