So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
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