His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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