Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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