I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
