Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
