so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
