I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm like, not good at living.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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