i just google imaged poop.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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