You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize