I don't usually arrange sex via text message
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize