At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Randomize
