i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
