he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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