She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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