i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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