I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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