I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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