on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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