capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
