how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
