i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
